July is hotter than June!?

Hello everybody.

I hope you're all well and missing me immensely. I'm sure you are. I'm missing you on varying scales, depending on who you are.

Life here is starting to feel fairly normal and I'm getting used to the lack of order that makes Italy such a rich experience. I'm still looking forward to coming back in August, if only for weather that rules out shorts and t-shirts. The thought of needing a jacket is strangely appealing! Sorry if I jinx your summer (although I gather it's not been up to much so far anyway), but I do hope it's cold and wet when I come back. The change would be appreciated, but probably only for a couple of days.

I've settled into a bit of a routine, so there's not a great deal of exciting news to report, but what I lack in quantity, hopefully I make up for in quality. Hopefully....

Last weekend there was a free concert in Piazza Matteoti, one of the squares here. There had been a poetry festival here, so there were lots of smug people walking about consumed by their own self-importance and cleverness (sorry, but I don't like poetry). The first 'performance' was by John Fox, who, as all fans of early-80's electronica will know, was once in Ultravox. But apparently before 'Vienna'. I'd really hoped he'd do a spine-tingling rendition of that, but sadly my fledgling hopes and dreams were shattered in the most tedious way. Instead he 'played' piano while the loooooooooooooongest and most boring poem ever was read. It was in English, so most of the audience were blissfully unaware of the utter tosh that was being spoken. I'd occasionally wake up to hear, amongst other things: "Yugoslavian running shoes", "bananas and cream", and my personal favourite: "he enjoyed sitting in Hyde Park reading copies of the Daily Mail from June/July 1958". Seriously. I'm not sure what's made me want to die more in Italy. John Fox or watching Italy play Spain in the Quarter Finals? I've had more fun at job interviews. But, just as every silver cloud has a silver lining, every poem has an end, and after John Fox there was a show by a Sicillian rapper called Capparezza (I think is how you spell his name). He was really good, although I didn't understand what he was saying. Apparently it was very clever, and not in a poet-beard-stroking way, but in a good way. It was an impressive show, and well worth the earlier tedium. I took some photos on my phone, but they're not great quality, but I'll stick them on next time.

In other news, my flatmate Roberto is apparently moving out in the next few days, so that's nice.

I told you there wasn't much to say, but I'll be incommunicado for the next few days as I'm working near Piacenza, which is about 200km away, so thought I should post something.

Before I go, I saw these and they made me laugh:

An advert for an Italian mobile phone company called 'Wind', that said:

"Passa a wind" (translating as 'change to wind') Adverts that encourage farting are my favourites, I think.

There's also a pastry and chocolate thing here which looks nice, but has the unnappealing name of 'Mother-in-laws tongue'. Mmmmm, tasty. "I'm just nipping out dear for some mother-in-laws tongue." Italians are a funny lot.

So long, farewell and auf wiedersen, pets

It's too hot for me to think of a witty title.....

Ciao bambinos!

It's been a few days since my last post so I thought I'd spread a little of the Italian sunshine your way, electronically.

On the agenda today, in no particular order:

Weather

Drinking

My annoying flatmate

Bus drivers

AOB

So, yes, weather. Whoever says Italy is a sunny country has been lucky. Or maybe I've been unlucky. Hot, yes. Sunny, no. After Monday and Tuesdays biblical flooding, it's been alot better. By better, I mean hotter with sun. It's yet to reach a happy balance between rain and boiling sun, so every day is a treat as I either get soaked or bake. It keeps me on my toes I guess. Today is particluarly hot (I broke into a sweat eating my focaccia on the way here). But it's the weekend, so I don't care. Bring on the sun.
Tuesday is St Genova day, so the whole town takes the day off. They have this great (lazy) theory that if you take a Tuesday off, you automatically get the Monday off too. Good times. However, my school is getting round the Tuesday holiday by sending me out of Genova, to Cortemaggiore. Bad times.

I've previously mentioned that they
give large measures of gin.
Here's a photo to prove it
(all gin apart from 3 ice cubes.
My liver quivers at the sight):

Roberto, my annoying flatmate, is increasing his campaign of irritation against me. He now whistles when I'm trying to sleep, doesn't flush the toilet (he doesn't seem to need loo roll either) and is generally his reclusive self. Also, the other day I came home mid-afternoon and was minding my own business planning a class in my room when he came home. He obviously didn't know I was in, as he went into the kitchen, started banging about and proceeded to shout for about 15 minutes. At who or what I didn't know, so I gave him 10 minutes to bugger off and then investigated. Apparently he'd dropped a jar of tomatoey-stuff and it had smashed. Stupid jar!!!! How did I find out, I hear you cry? Well, I cry in response, I saw some big bits of glass lying about and then yesterday found another bit with my foot! I'd swept (he'd neglected this) and thought I'd got everything, but apparently I was mistaken. More bad times. I'm not exactly sure what he does, but he does go out some times. Probably to kill kittens or something.

To compound the fun of yesterday, I had a class first thing out in the countryside. I got the bus out fine, but when I was waiting in the bus stop on the way back I didn't see any buses for 20 mins. An old woman stopped and shouted "Sciopero" at me, to which I wittily shot back: "Non parlo Italiano". She shrugged and continued. Half an hour later I discovered that 'sciopero' actually mean strike, and that the bus drivers had gone on strike while I was teaching. So, I spent the next hour and a half traipsing home in the mid-morning heat and by the time I'd got back to the flat I was not only in a thoroughly bad mood, but also near-drowning in my own sweat. It was a joy to behold (in case you can't tell/don't know me well enough, I'm being deeply sarcastic).

On Tuesday I went to the pub to watch Italy scrape into the quarter finals of the Euro's. Stevie and I went to the 'Tartan Bar' round the corner from his flat, and tartan it quite literally was. They had lots of tacky tartan hanging about, Scottish maps and mementoes, but sadly we were the only Scots there. I did meet an old friend I like to call Guinness, so I spent some time with it. Oh, how I've missed its bitter darkness!

The other day I saw a snake, so took a photo off it. Sadly I don't have the photo with me, but I might put it on later. It was quite exciting. I'll upload more photos next time as this computer's taking fooooooooooooooorever to do it just now.

Until then friends, family and countrymen, I bid you adieu.

Punchlines on a postcard please.....

Two Scots, a Romanian and a Chilean go to a bar. I forget how it ends though, as I got fairly drunk. I know I ate two kebabs (not the death inducing variety that they are back home; actually quite good) and drank alot of beer/gin. I'm sure there's a joke brewing in there though.

So, that was Friday. There were lots of: "Ay's", "oh's" and "eeh's" as the expression-loving Italians drew with Romania. It was pretty good, but then it rained. Alot. I half expected to see Noah sailing round the corner, such was the extent of the downpour. Bad weather for humans, but the rat population of Genova must have loved it.

I saw my first proper road accident here earlier on. A lady got knocked off her scooter by a car, which wasn't particularly enjoyable to see (or feel, I'd imagine). She stood up after and just looked a bit limpy and shaken up, but they really are pretty gung-ho on the roads here, so it probably happens quite alot.

It's been quite a wet weekend in general, which has highlighted a flaw in my shoes. True, my boots may be uber-cool and make me like a Beatle/cowboy, but unfortunately they also don't have any grips at all. This is a problem here, as alot of the pavements are marble or very flat stone. As a result I've been slipping about like Dumbo on ice. It's very hard for me to look even mildly cool at the best of times, so as you can imagine, my cool-factor is about as high as Gordon Brown's (a free political joke for you there).

Yesterday was by far the coldest day here, measuring in at a chilly 18 degrees. I almost had to change out of my shorts and t-shirt! I sucked it up like a man though and persevered.

I hope you're all well and don't hate me too much for the last paragraph. Continuing apologies for the lack of photos - I've not really done anything too touristy, and working kind of sucks the fun out of weekday evening activities. I'll try and get some this weekend.

Stay safe

Ciao for now!

Now with pictures!

Ciao friends, countrymen/women

Don't worry, this will be brief.

I've now located an internet cafe that trusts people enough to plug things into the computers, so I've added a couple of pictures. Here:

I only have a few breath-taking insights into Italian culture so far. They are, in no particular order:

1) Scooters are incredibly popular here, and even my students admit they're low powered death-mobiles. I can't wait to get one.

2) Italians have few qualms about personal space - on the bus people are quite happy to lean into you, which can be nice or unpleasant, depending on who is doing the leaning. A particularly good looking girl did it the other day, which made up for the smelly old man on the previous day.

Also you don't have to pay to get on a bus - you just jump on. They have ticket machines, where, if you're honest enough, you can stamp a ticket that you may have bought. I've yet to see a ticket inspector. They wonder why the buses run at a massive loss, but only about 20% of people pay.

3) Doughnuts are amusingly called Krapfen.

4) Quite a few men wear pastel pink jeans like they're perfectly normal attire to go to work in. I've counted about 15 guys rocking them, so as soon as I get paid I'll be joining the herd like the sheep I am.

That's pretty much it I'm afraid. I hope you're well and all missing me. I've had a procession of weird dreams over the past week, involving Edinburgh and various citizens. I don't know what they mean, but suffice to say, I'm thinking of you.

Adios

Your Martedi update

Ciao everyone

I write this feeling terrible. A bag made of sandpaper, full of very rough sandpaper isn't as rough as I feel just now. I went out to a bar last night to watch Italy be humped by Holland, to the delight of the two Dutch people in the bar, and the general chagrin of all the glowering Italians. A couple of beers turned into a couple more gins at Le Lepre, and so I had a revitalising 4 hours sleep before my class today. I'm pretty sure my student was getting drunk of my fumes.

Apart from self-induced wretchedness, life is generally ok here, I've written a couple more songs, so watch out for the 'Misadventures of Michael' appearing in all poor quality record shops soon. Sadly they're all as depressing as my first, but what can you do?

I think I've located an internet cafe that lets you upload pictures, so watch this space and ready yourselves for some thrilling pictures of interesting buildings. They'll blow your socks off, or at the very least show you the architecture here.

In other Michael-news, my flatmate is increasing his campaign to annoy me by never washing dishes. It's been pointed out that I may not be nearing beautification on this score, but I can stomach a certain degree of slovenlyness. Roberto is taking the (amaretto) biscuit with his laziness. He's also taken to wandering about the flat in his y-fronts, which frankly I could live without.

I've bought myself the second cheapest kind of mobile here, so if you feel the urge to speak to me, my number's now: 00393454566979.

Once again, apologies if there are any innaccuracies, spelling or otherwise, but it's not like I'm an English teacher or anything! Oh....wait.....

Any emails of support/mild interest would be most welcome too. Also, if you're jazz-trio-orientated, you might be interested to click on: http://edinburghnews.scotsman.com/entertainment/Everything-turns-out-Rosy-thanks.4164931.jp and read about my mum and all that jazz. Available for weddings, barmitzvahs and funerals. Probably.

Until next time mes amigos

Ciao, asto cazzo

Sono una scimmia!

Ciao everybody!

Type in the title into a translation website (www.babelfish.com) and you'll learn the depth that I've learned Italian so far. Still, beyond the odd, rarely-used phrase, my Italian is still basic. I can count to ten like there's no tomorrow though.

It's been drawn to my attention that I made a couple of spelling mistakes in my last post, which as a teacher of English is a bit of a faux pas (don't know what the Italian is for that). I shall try to ensure all future posts have been proof read and have correct spelling.

My timetable for next week is looking alot busier, so I shouldn't be as bored, which is nice. I'm starting to get used to wandering about Genova, although it's still very hot. The last couple of days have had the sun out as well, so I'm staring to look like the bronzed adonis that I always suspected I might be, somewhere deep down.

Went out the other night to a bar with Stevie and he'd previously said that the spirit measures thay have here are fairly liberal. He wasn't wrong. My gin & tonic was almost all gin, and rather scrumptious. Cheap-ish too. I could get used to that, as the beer's not great, and expensive. They have Tennent's Super as draught too, which they seem to think is a good thing. They don't really have that many visible drunks here, but I can't imagine what they drink!

Still no photo-uploading capability I'm afraid, so you'll just have to take my word that Genova's a nice place, with lots of good looking women.

I have a new mobile number, but forgot to write it down. I'll let you know in the next blog.

Until next time, take care and enjoy whatever it is you do!

Ciao

Getting started.....

Ciao bellas

Don't be fooled by the first line: I'm not actually fluent in Italian, a problem which I never really anticipated as being pivotal until I got here (hey, I rarely plan or think things through). So, yeah, not being able to speak the lingo is holding me back a bit so far. I've not had much work so far this week, but will be flung to the proverbial lions next week, so hopefully will be busier. I never thought I'd actually want to get work, but there you go; everyday's a school day. As a result of (A) not being able to speak to locals, and (B) not having much to do, I've been kind of bored and lonely for my first few days.

Genova's a nice place though. I'm not much of an architecture buff, but I can appreciate the buildings and the loads of statues that are around here. I'd obviously like to put photos on here, but the internet café doesn't allow it. Hopefully I'll find another one that's more accomodating soon. But yeah, buildings. Nice. There's a big boat down in the port too, which although I didn't get up close to, I assume has something to do with Christopher Columbus (he was born here history fans). Imagine a picture of it here:

Just before the port is the old town, called the Centro Storico. It's like a maze and even born & bred locals don't know there way around all of the streets. A tip if you come here and get lost there: keep walking downhill and you'll get to the port. Oh, and don't speak to the hundreds of hookers. They don't love you, just your money.

It's very humid, and has only been sunny once. The rest of the time it's been a comfortingly Scottish mix of clouds and rain. But still very humid, so I'm dropping weight like Ice Cube drops rhymes.

Crossing roads has never been as exciting as it is here. They have very little regard for traffic lights and pedestrians, and one charming thing I found out is that even on a red light and green man, they can turn right. Everyone's on a mission to save the world, and they use their horns like their going out of fashion.

I can't think of much else to say really..... I'm going to buy an Italian simcard (it's very stylish, rude and uses too much hair gel) so my number will change. I'll let you know when it does. If anyone wants to email me, that would be greatly appreciated.

I'm off for a pizza, so ciao for the now.

Saluté asto cazzo.