Many things too numerous to sum up concisely in a title

Hello chums and chumettes

I realise that it's been a while since I last emptied my brain into your eyes through the medium of internet, so thought I should do that now. It's a beautiful day outside, so I thought it fitting that I sit in my room and mess about on t'internet.

So, what's happened since I last talked at you....

1) Old age
2) Computers must die
3) Thieving scrotes
4) AOB

Starting at the most logical place, number 1), dramatically titled 'Old Age'.

Last Sunday I edged nearer the cusp of the age bracket known as 'late 20's'. To celebrate this, my folks came over to the fair city of Genoa to visit, which was very nice. It was good to see them and to talk to people from back home about all the exciting developments in Edinburgh, which would you believe, amounted to Not Much. It was especially nice to eat in restaurants without paying or having to wear my running shoes. Also, they brought me haggis, which if you know me, and chances are you do (as why else would you be reading this?), you'll know that I class haggis as a Super Food. I've so far shown remarkable restraint and not eaten it, but I know, and I think it knows, it's time is nearing. My dad seemed very impressed with my flat and it's outstanding view of the stadium, which is unsurprising, as it's fantastic.

So, overall, it was very good. One downpoint was that on My Birthday Eve, we went out for a few drinks with my chums in the place that they knew my name but have now apparently forgotten it, La Lepre. This in itself was very good, however, staying up until about 5, drinking and then sleeping on a marble floor meant that the Sunday morning was not my favourite time of the weekend. But I'll never learn my lesson, and repeated that particular trick this weekend....

2) Computers must die

Do androids dream of electric sheep? Can computers die?

I'm afraid that I can't scientifically answer these questions, but have seen Blade Runner, so can say yes. But can you class that as ever really being alive? A question for a more learned and not drivel-fuelled blog me thinks.

My laptop stopped working a weekend or two ago, which combined with my at times sickening laziness, has meant there has been no blogging from me. One night my laptop worked, the next day it didn't. I switched on and off. I ran the battery down. I recharged the battery. I switched it on and off again. I repeated this action about 4 times. I started to curse the laptop and its family. And still nothing happened. In the end I re-booted it, in the process deleting everything I had saved, including my photographic proof of Jesus headbutting someone, Tom Cruise striking children, and my 100,000 word manuscript on why quasars and all else in quantum physics is based on a flawed theory.

Ok, so not all of that's true, but I did have to delete my music. Harrumph. But lo and behold, then my computer worked! Praise be to Allah! Then, the next day, the internet stopped working! Curses! Not being particularly technically minded (see previous technique for making computer work), I gave up. One of my colleagues is very small and French, but despite these impediments was reprtedly good with computers. And lo and behold, she fixed my computer! Praise be to Anais! It turns out that what was stopping me connecting to the internet was my internet protection. Now, I'm all for security in these times of technological chicanery, but seriously, that's taking things a bit far. I was so well protected, I couldn't access the internet at all. So, if you're serious about internet protection, but also serious about being able to use the damn thing, may I not recommend to you using Comodo. Stupid computers.
Happily, my computer and internet are working together like organised crime and bureaucracy! All good!

3) Thieving Scrotes

On Saturday I went to the football to see the outstandingly meritous Genoa beat the lowly, and frankly, a bit turdy Juventus. It was a fantastic match, we won 3-2 in case you hadn't realised, and sent them back to Turin, and the fans back to their homes which are everywhere but Turin. Seriously, great, with not just a a capital G, but full capitalised. GREAT. (sorry for shouting)

After the game I was still so drunk from excitement (and pre-match beer) that me and Craig went out for another drink. By the time we got to town, I was sober (mum) and had my faculties about me. We were walking along a street, and some riff-raff came along and did a weird dance in front of me which is impossible to explain in words. Needless to say it was crap. Then at the end, he held my phone in his hand. How the hell did that happen? I still don't know, as I was wearing jeans, and normally when a guy puts his hand in my trouser pocket my spider-sense kicks in and I firmly but politely ask him to cease and desist. It was all very strange, but he gave me my phone back, which was nice of the ballbag. We went our seperate ways, but it was exceedingly strange, and has made me more suspicious of people who dance in front of me. We went to a club after that, so as you'll understand, I was very stand-offish and alert for any danger. This is apparently not conducive to adding to the vibe on a dance floor.

4) AOB

As any of my Pacorini students (hello) should be able to remember, AOB stands for Any Other Business. When I first started to write this blog I think I did have some, but my infirm brain seems to have forgotten it. Ho hum.

So, for now,

Ciao