Adrian Childs would be jealous

Hello you lot

Today Michael is sad, but doesn't want to bore you with this, and will instead tackle the more upbeat topics of dogicide and sunglasses. It'll be just like an episode of the One Show......

So yes, dogicide. Opposite my flat is an allotment, and in that allotment an old man toils everyday in the sun, caring for his lemons, carrots and leeks (I think these are what they are, judging from the leaves - but to be honest, this is not an important part of the story). This man had a dog, and every day his dog would be in the allotment with him, sleeping, barking, scaring cats away and wearing a wee coat. Then, on Easter Sunday, I was standing at my window minding my own business and staring at people that were walking past, when I saw the old man in the garden. This seemed strange, as it was raining, and he normally stays inside when the air's a bit moist. What was stranger was that he was carrying a skinned animal carcass, sans head. He then went into his shed, and judging from the running tap noise, he washed it. I thought this was a wee bit weird, but didn't think too much else for a day or two, until I saw him working again one bright sunny day AND HIS DOG HAD DISAPPEARED. This was now two weeks ago, and still no dog. What once seemed a nice old man, has become, in my eyes at least, a creepy old dog-killer. True, the dog may have died of natural causes at the same weekend as I saw him carrying a skinned carcass of the same size and shape as his dog. True, I should probably stop watching him from my window and should go outside instead. But, I don't believe in coincidences as profound and dramatic as this. Therefore, I've reached the inevitable and frankly only logical explanation there is - he killed his dog and ate it. Katarina suggested I go down and check out his shed for evidence, but as a non-fan of all things tense and horror based, this seems like the worst idea ever to me. Ever.

And then there were sunglasses. I got paid during the week, and in time aged tradition tried to spend some immediately on things I don't really need. So, I bought some new sunglasses. I already have one pair, but I thought I'd go crazy and buy a pair hand-crafted by Chinese children, because I believe in sharing the wealth. Now though, I'm in a quandary. I always feel like a bit of an arse standing in a shop and looking at myself in the mirror, so I very quickly glanced at myself before I bought them to check I didn't look too ridiculous. I don't think I did, but now that I have them, and a door to my room, I have the luxury of being able to stare at myself in the mirror, without shame or embarressment for as long as I want. Unfortunately, I now can't decide if my new sunglasses make me look cool and stylish, or just plain twattish. It's quite a pickle. It also doesn't help that other people wear them here too, because although Italy has a reputation for being a style-Mecca, there are an alarming number of people who buy clothes in the dark and then get dressed in the dark. So, although they're quite nice sunglasses, do they add to my cool points? Yes, I occasionally feel like I'm the coolest person in the room, but I do spend a lot of time alone staring at my neighbour, waiting for a sign of his guilt. Of course a more pertinent point could be the wisdom in thinking that material objects can make someone cool. Hmmm.......
But that's too deep for me just now, and I have a strange urge to go and have a chilled, refreshing, Diet Coke.

Well, that's it for me, so stay safe, Forza Genoa, yadda yadda yadda.......

Ciao